Ben Episode 6 Recap

First of all, thanks to all who commented last week.  It means a lot to me that you not only read this blog but like it enough to comment on it.  Your thoughts meant more to me than they should have.  Because of them, I am actually excited to write my recap again this week.  So keep your comments coming, let me know how you feel about tonight’s episode, and let’s get to it!

Tonight’s episode opens with a baboon wearing a bikini, Disney’s tree of life, and lots of waterfalls.  The girls arrive in Panama with their flip cams, long scarves, and brightly colored tank tops.  The ABC intern shows off his mad graphic skills with a cartoon airplane flying from Puerto Rico to Panama while the ladies’ voice over says how Panama is the “perfect place to fall in love.”  They arrive at their new digs for the next week- a hotel that looks strangely like Marie’s sculpture statue from Everybody Loves Raymond.  CH is strangely absent.  I give him the mulligan.  Everyone has to sleep one off once in a while.  In his absence, E.L. Fudge himself welcomes the girls to Panama, drops the first date card, and makes like a bee and buzzes off.

First date: Kacie B. “Will Our Love Survive?  Pack three things.”  Kacie B. immediately packs her baton, 30 foot scarf, and Flashdance off the shoulder sweater.  Ben picks her and her Bump-It and her library book bag up for their date to take the 3rd helicopter ride of the season.  They land on a tree filled island and are left just the two of them for the whole day.  Well just the two of them plus the three cameramen and five producers.  They unpack the compare what they each brought.  Kacie B. actually packed a green stuffed animal monkey, a Swiss Army knife, and a bag of candy.  Ben brought a huge ass knife, a fishing net, and matches.  Good thing the cameraman thought to bring a bottle of wine.

Ben and Kacie B. cut down some coconuts, catch a fish, smoke some tree bark, and drink some wine the cameraman was nice enough to share.  After completing this challenge, they are ready for anything their relationship can throw their way.  So a helicopter arrives to whisk them away to the night portion of their date at a fancy hotel.

Kacie B. was so concerned about packing her three things, she forgot to pack the bottom half of her night outfit and one sleeve of her top.  No worries though... Ben’s wearing a pair of cut off jeans and a gray henley.

2nd date card: “Let’s get lost” Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Casey S., Courtney, and Jamie.  Which means that Blakely and Rachel have the dreaded two on one date.  Blakely has obviously never seen the show because for some reason she’s so excited about going on the two on one date.  The more excited she gets, the more Rachel becomes insecure.

Back on the date, Kacie B. decides it’s time to open up to Ben and share her deepest, darkest secrets with him.  She shares that she had on eating disorder in high school.  Apparently she thought coming on a reality tv show where the producers starve you, fill you up with booze, and make you compete (in a bikini) with 24 other stick thin girls would be a healthy recovery plan.  Also, apparently, girls who have had eating disorders mature faster than their non-eating disorder peers.  That’s why Kacie B. is ready to get married even though she’s only 15.  And Ben LOVES it!

Ben: “The fact that Kacie B. had an eating disorder makes me like her even more.  I love skinny chics!  I’m gonna give her the rose.”

Kacie B. accepts, they loud kiss, Ben wipes the sweat out of his hair, the ABC intern finally brings Ben a towel to dry off and the next thing I know, it’s group date time!

Group date time! Ben picks up the ladies and takes them to a rainforest on a long falic shaped boat.  Ben pretends to be a tour guide while driving the boat through the rain and muddy river water.  They all stalk little naked native boys playing soccer and invade their village before the native women steal away Ben’s ladies and strip them down.  The natives have the girls put on giant beaded necklaces.  Courtney thinks they are bathing suit tops so she removes everything underneath.  The ABC intern responsible for the black modesty bars works overtime to prevent a nip slip while Courtney shakes her ta tas all over Panama.  The local boys and men watch and slobber.

Courtney “marks her territory” by peeing all over Ben while the rest of the girls paint tattoos on each other.

For the night portion of the group date, the girls are allowed to shower off the paint and mud, get dressed, and head back to the hotel for some roof top cocktails.  Lindzi and Ben get some alone time.  They tell each other they like one another, Ben shows off his HUGE watch, and they loud kiss.

Ben pulls Courtney aside, thanks her for her assertiveness, and begs her to continue to do dirty things to get his attention.  She begs him to visit her in her room later.  Ben’s Little General starts to do his thinking and they two start to make out.  Loudly.  Is this dude the loudest kisser ever or what?!?

Jamie is up next for some alone time with Ben.

Jamie: “It was brought to my attention today that I don’t show you enough attention or act enough like I like you.  Do you feel that way too?”

Ben: “Yes.”

Jamie (shocked!): “You do?  Why?”

Ben: “Well seeing this is week six and this is the first conversation we’ve had since you got out of the limo might have something to do with it.  Plus, you need to do more outrageous things like Courtney to keep my attention.”

Jamie: “Well just ignore Courtney getting naked behind me and focus on me droning on and on.  No, no! Don’t look at Courtney masterbating back there!  Look at my stripper heels!  Don’t they count for something?”

Me: “Yes, a free ride to the airport in the reject van.”

Emily gets some alone time next.  She uses it to make fun of the tribe that welcomed them in earlier.  Ben and Emily kiss and Emily then feels the need to run back to Courtney and apologize.  But Courtney is not gonna bend over and take it up the tail pipe (take note Ben!) and proceeds to chew Emily out before the poor girl can even finish saying she’s sorry.

Ben interrupts the cat fight to steal Lindzi away and give her the date rose.  Lindzi accepts and they make out some more.

Somehow Courtney has her own hotel room and has convinced herself that Ben is going to come for a booty call.  She puts on make up and sits beside a five liter jug of coffee to wait up for him.  When he doesn’t show up she cries like the baby she is.  I wonder how long the cameraman had to sit with her and film her doing nothing?

3rd Date: “Save the last dance for me- Ben.” Rachel and Blakely

Ben greets Blakely and Rachel for their two on one date to learn some salsa dancing.  Blakely acts like the stripper that she is the whole date and Rachel acts like a wet blanket, about to burst into tears.  I’m about to burst into tears too- there is still an hour of this left to watch!

These are the date highlights:

1.) Rachel moves like my 94 year old grandma.  And she thinks she’s sexy.

2.) There is no number 4 in Panama.

3.) Blakely forgot the moves to the dance she was taught and starts doing her lap dance moves on Ben instead.  She needs to teach them to Jamie.

For the night part of their date, Ben takes the ladies to an empty resturant for some whine and wine.  He takes Rachel away for some alone time first.  She tells Ben how much she likes him and begs him to keep her over Blakely.  Speaking of Blakely, Ben pulls her aside and she cries again how she “feels” something with Ben.  Oh honey, that’s just the wine talking and your tight shirt belted around your waist that you’re feeling.  Oh wait!  Oh no you didn’t!!  Put that homemade ransom note style scrapbook away!  You aren’t in 7th grade!

Ben finally picks up the rose to put everyone out of their misery.  He offers it to boring Rachel, she accepts, and Blakely stomps off to get her ransom note scrapbook back before climbing aboard the U.S.S. Dumped.

The next day the girls are all sitting around waiting for the cocktail party when in walks CH.  Finally, after an hour and 20 minutes our beautiful host makes his first appearance of the night.  His pupils are dilated; he’s sweating bullets; he looks like he’s about to hurl.  Either he’s coming off his partying high or he’s about to Roz Pappas someone’s ass.  He pulls Casey S. (who?) aside to tell her that he knows she’s still living with her ex-boyfriend Michael.  Casey S. denies it but CH has proof positive and whips out his iPad to show her pictures of the fat guy who helped Roz pack her shit.  This whole exchange would have been much more dramatic if 1.) anyone (Ben included) knew who this chic is, 2.) she’s had any chance of making it past the next rose ceremony anyway, and 3.) if she’s even tried to deny her feelings for Michael for more than 30 seconds.  Instead, CH drags her to confess to Ben that she’s doesn’t love him and I respect the mute more than any other girl there.  The most surprising thing about their conversation that pursued was that CH sits in on the whole thing like Casey S.’s dad watching to make sure she apologized to the boy down the street after she pushed him off his bike.

Ben acts like he is in charge of making the decision and tells Casey S. she should go home even though she came to tell him that’s what she was doing.  She walks into the hall with CH and proceeds to ugly cry on his shoulder.  CH comforts her while Ben smells the fart on the balcony.  Casey S. continues to ugly cry in the hallway before CH puts her in the reject van.  Then he returns to tell the girls that Casey S. is gone.  And to hurry up and get ready!  The cocktail party is about to start!

The rose ceremony finally arrives.  Kacie B., Lindzi, and Rachel already have roses.  The other three go to Nicki, Courtney, and Emily.  Which means that Jamie is joining Casey S. and Blakely on the next plane back to the U.S.

So what do you think of the “journey” so far?  I actually respect Casey S.  I’ve lost respect for Ben along the way though.  I’m sick of his pat “There are other girls who I’m farther along in my relationship with than we could ever be” answer to every girl he dumps.  That being said, Jamie needed to go.  Watching her with him was just plain awkward!  What do you think?  Leave your comments below and I’ll see you next week.  If you need me before then, I will be receiving kissing lessons from Jamie.