Ben Episode 7 Recap

Oh my gosh!  What week are we in?  Is this only the 7th episode?  The show opens with Ben arriving in wherever this week’s perfect spot to fall in love is.

Ben: “I’ve had an unbelievable journey.”

Me: “I can’t believe we’re only 10 seconds in and already the words ‘unbelievable’ and ‘journey’ have already been uttered twice!”

The graphic intern once again shows off his geography skills as the cartoon airplane flies from Panama to Belize.  Ben dons Greg Brady’s stripped tank top to announce he’s the in the perfect place to fall in love.  But he’s not ready to tell anyone that yet.

Me: “Um honey, you just did.”

The ladies arrive via a puddle jumper complete with long scarves and flip cams.  They OMG their way into their hotel suite before CH arrives to show off how the ABC intern finally found a shirt the exact piercing blue color as his eyes.  He drops the first date card and makes like Ke$ha and blows.

1st Date: Lindzi 

“Two halfs (as said by Courtney) make a whole.”

Nicki cries tears of jealousy to the camera as Lindzi applies another coat of spray tan Jersey Shore orange all over her body to get ready for her one on one.  Ben picks her up in a- wait for it- helicopter.  They fly over the ocean and discuss why Ben decided to wear his wife-beater for their date to the “magical” “blue hole.”  They are going to jump from the helicopter into shark infested water and I once again wonder what kind of magic glue these girls use to keep their bikini tops from falling off as they hit the water.  Ben and Lindzi talk about how dangerous the jump is, how they could die, how this “jump” symbolizes their “leap of faith” in their relationship.  Then they jump the 5 feet into the water while both screaming like little girls.  I’m terrified of heights but since I’ve jumped off the high dive at the swimming pool before, even I could have done this.

For the night portion of this date, the two go to a candle lit pier for dinner and “vino.”  I wish I had some “vino” right now...

Back at the hotel, the girls sit around and watch Courtney drink her nightly bottle of wine while chewing her face off when the ABC intern plays knicker-knock on their hotel room door and drops off the next date card.

2nd date: Emily

“Do you Belize in love?”

Courtney declares this is the “worst nightmare” and she just wants to kill herself.  She cries to the camera that Ben is going to get his ass kicked by her for allowing Emily to get a one on one date after being so nasty to her.

Back on Ben’s date with Lindzi, Lindzi tells Ben she’s falling for him and wants to bring him home to meet her family.  This prompts Ben to write a note and put it in a bottle.  Are they stuck on a deserted island?  What am I missing here?  And who drained that huge bottle of vodka in order for them to fill it with their B.S.?

The next day, Ben’s airplane picks up Emily for their date of bike riding.  He meets her at the air strip wearing red swim trunks, no shoes, an olive green v-neck, and a yellow bracelet.  Was his bracelet a Livestrong bracelet?  A beer bracelet?  A WWCHD bracelet?  I wish I knew...  The pair crash a local basketball game and I wonder why no one told Emily to not wear a dress on this date.  Then they go diving for lobsters so they can eat dinner that night before changing into some rad 80’s attire for the night portion of their date.  I have to admit, after their first one on one I was team Emily but their chemistry is a little off and I’m not feeling her tonight.  Plus, she is so pretty and smart, she could do much better on her own, especially after a stint on this show!

3rd date: Courtney

“Let’s take the next steps in our relationship”

A small plane picks Courtney up and takes her to meet Ben in the middle of the forest.  I was hoping they were secluded so Ben could easily dispose of her body but no such luck- they were going to a Mayan temple for a picnic with a tarantula.  Courtney uses the time to complain to Ben how she no longer feels like she’s “winning.”  Duh!  This makes Ben start to sweat buckets.  That or it’s the 100 degree heat and his mop of hair sticking to his neck.  Intern- get this guy a scrunchie!  Ben begs Courtney not to leave without coming right out and telling her she’s getting a rose.

For the night portion of their date, the duo eats poolside and toasts an incredible day and their “renewed spark.”  Courtney then guzzles the whole bottle of wine before chewing her face off so they can make out.

Ben asks Courtney if she gets along with the girls in the house.  Courtney cries that she’s tried to get to know them and be complimentary of them but they refuse to be nice to her or make an effort to get to know her.  She assures Ben that she has a lots of friends though- guy friends- in real life.  These bitches are just boring and vanilla!

Me: “So why have you been trying to win them over then Courtney?  Huh?”

Unfortunately, the only answers I get are Ben’s sweaty forehead and Courtney eating her lip.  But that seems to be the only answers that Ben needs.

4th date: Nicki, Kacie B., and Rachel

“Let’s sea whose family I will meet”

Ben arrives to wake the girls up at 4:00 a.m. for their date.  He totally surprises/scares the shit out of them.  They head out on a boat in the sun and I wonder why he had to pick them up so damn early!  Was it just so the pervert cameraman could get the shots of Nicki shaving her bikini line in the shower and Rachel shaving her pits in the sink?

Ben announces they are going shark diving.  Since Rachel listed sharks as her biggest phobia on her application for the show she is of course on this date.  Kacie B. and Nicki think it’s gonna be great fun to get their legs chewed off though and can’t wait to dive right in!

In Ben’s confessional to the camera he wears his hair like Jerry in the low water pressure episode of Seinfeld and I can’t even tell you what he says because I can only wonder why the hell all these girls are so ga-ga over him.

The girls all get some alone time with Ben to tell him how ready they are to bring him home to their families and they are falling for him.  Ben finally gives the date rose to Kacie B. and assures her that he’ll go home with her next week.

Ben thanks the other two for their honesty as well and this opens the Courtney bashing floodgates we’ve all been waiting for the last 7 weeks.  Ben pretends this bothers him but I really think he’s just wondering how he can now justify keeping Courtney around for the over night dates without looking like a huge horndog.

Pre-rose ceremony cocktail party arrives and Ben is worried about Courtney.  CH shows up to tell the girls that even though he left his butter knife and champagne glass of doom in his hotel room, the rose ceremony is starting immediately.  Oh and by the way, no shoes allowed.

Kacie B. already has a rose.  The other three go to... wait a minute!  Ben wants to talk to Courtney alone first.  Why did he cancel the cocktail party then, I wonder?  Ben pulls Courtney aside to ask her if she’s there for the right reasons.  Of course she swears she’s so honest and in love with him.  Apparently that’s all Ben needs to hear because the pair quickly head back to the other ladies and he rapidly hands out rose to Nicki, Lindzi, and Courtney.  Which means that Rachel and Emily are going home alone.  Well not really Rachel.  She’s going home with Blakely’s huge feather earrings.

So were you surprised at who went home?  Were you surprised to see Courtney stay?  Were you shocked that CH could count to 3?  Who will go home next?  My bet is on Nicki.  Leave your thoughts in the comment section and I’ll meet you back here next week.  If you need me before then I’ll be catching a fast lobster for my dinner.