Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Emily Episode 8 Recap


It’s hometown week people!  Emily arrives back in the U. S. of A. wearing her skull shirt to give Little Ricki a quick kiss good night in Charlotte before heading off to meet Chris and his family in Chicago.
1st up: Chris, Chicago, IL
Emily meets Chris on Michigan Ave. and the pair walk along the waterfront and we learn that Chris is very Polish.  They share a beer and some Keilbasa at a Polish restaurant and discuss what an ass Chris was the last time they were together.  Then they head off to meet his family.
Chris slips off his Member’s Only jacket to introduce Emily to his mom, dad, and 2 sisters.  They all sit down on one side of the table and toast the start of their 1980’s sitcom.
Dad pulls Emily aside to grill her on her intentions with his son.  Before he can even ask her the first question, Emily turns the table and asks Daddy-o how Chris would do as a father to Little Ricki.  Chris’s dad mumbles something about him doing the best he could do and then quickly asks Emily if she is falling in love.  Emily says that she is but doesn’t say with who.  Chris’s dad must have never seen the show before because he assumes it’s with his son and shares this surprising news with Chris later.  This fuels Chris to tell Emily that he loves her.  Emily responds by kissing him quickly before leaving to return Ames’s red pants to him that she borrowed for this date.
2nd guy: Duckie, St. George, Utah
Emily drives to Duckie’s family ranch that is surrounded by acres of private national forest.  Can you smell money?  I swear I could through the tv!  They buckle into a dune buggy and speed off to shoot some guns.  Emily is wearing a white sundress and Duckie has on skinny jeans.  Perfect attire for shooting clay pigeons, right?
Before going to meet Duckie’s family (minus the parental units who are doing charity work in North Carolina), Duckie and Emily sit on a blanket covered haystack under an umbrella in the middle of no where.  They discuss the 15 relatives of his they are going to meet.  Emily obsesses over if Duckie’s siblings will like her not.  She’s clearly nervous.  
Have no fear Em, big brother Steve likes you!  The sisters try to put her in the hot seat but she avoids their questions by asking them if Duckie is ready to be a daddy to Little Ricki.  The sisters avoid answering her but do get her to admit she’s falling in love with their brother.
At this point I am pausing to wonder where all the crazy families are!  Where is the drunk grandma?  Where is the crazy uncle asking inappropriate questions?  Where is the dog that gets baby talked to and humps everything?  Where is the dad with the shot gun collection? Where is the step father who likes to stuff dead animals?  What is wrong with all these normal boring families?  I’m so close to fast forwarding to the rose ceremony or going to get a glass of wine.  This is turning into a major snooze fest!
3rd up: Arie, Scottsdale, AZ
The super sensitive producers have arranged for Emily to meet Arie at the race track.  Up next they will head to Big Ricki’s grave.  Emily pretends she’s excited to be there in her stripper dress and hooker heels.  Arie gives Emily a ride in his Indy Car.  Right before they take off, it hits me who Arie reminds me of!  Ed from the TV show Ed.  I hope later they go meet Carol Vessey and his BFF Mike!
Instead, they go meet his parents, twin brothers, and his sister.  His brothers look like they are 12.  And Justin Beiber’s twins.  The mom looks just like what Emily will look like in 25 years.  They welcome Emily to their home and then start talking about her in Dutch.  The whole family joins in the gossiping session about Emily’s outfit and hair.  Then Arie stops that and makes everyone speak a language Emily can understand.  He promises her that his mom was only asking how things are going.  I’m sure there is someone out there who speaks Dutch that can verify this for me??
Then the mom pulls Emily aside to get the dirt on why Emily and Brad really broke up.  Instead of answering, Emily talks about how funny Arie is.  She’s having a hard time feeling it with the family.  Once again, I’m having a hard time staying awake.  And I had such high hopes when the whole family started talking in Dutch.  *Sigh*
4th Guy: Sean, Dallas, TX
I wonder if this pair will run into Brad.  Instead of going to Brad’s bar for drinks, Sean wears his sister’s teal and lemon striped v-neck t-shirt and meets Emily in a park with his two dogs.  I don’t actually know if those are his dogs or not.  It’s completely possible the ABC intern borrowed them from the pound for the afternoon.  I’m distracted from finding out for sure by Emily’s 4th of July dress, super tan face, and overly white teeth.  She’s starting to look like an Umpa-Lumpa!  Her hair looks blonder and I think her esthetician messed up her last Botox treatment because her face barely moves as she talks.
After making Emily help him clean up the dog poop, they toast each other and share a glass of vino.  Then they head off to meet his family.  Emily brings the same gift to Sean’s family that she’s taken to the other three families.  Is it a book?  Before I can guess any further, I’m smelling more money!  The “cottage” his parents built for his niece is bigger than my house!  Then Sean drops the “I still live at home” bomb on Emily.  And not because he has to mind you.  But because he WANTS to!  He even tells her this and then drags her upstairs to his messy bedroom to introduce her to his favorite stuffed animals.  Then he yells at his mom for not cleaning his room before he brought a girl home.  But wait a minute- ha ha!  He doesn’t live at home.  It’s all a big joke.  Just like the armadillo they pretended to serve her for dinner.  Such a jokester!
One thing Sean doesn’t joke about is kissing.  He gives Emily a quick good bye smooch and then chases down her SUV for one more makeout session.
Finally the rose ceremony arrives and so does CH with his mad counting skills.  Emily apparently cries to him that this is so difficult but the jury is still out on if it counts as crying when you face doesn’t move at all.  The guys arrive and Emily thanks them all for introducing her to their families.  She passes out the 3 roses to Duckie, Arie, and Sean.  Which means that Anger-Management Chris is going home.
And that’s where we end this week’s journey.  Do you think Emily made the right choice?  Who do you think will not make the cut after next week’s overnight dates?  Do you think Emily will forgo her individual room to spend the night with each of the remaining guys?  Discuss in the comments section and I’ll be back next week.  If you need me before then I’ll be Botoxing my face till it refuses to move and/or show any emotion.