Ben Episode 8 Recap

Thank you dear readers for sticking with me through yet another week of this trainwreck of a show.  I again appreciate the comments you leave in the comment section of the  blog and on my facebook page.  Please continue to let me know your thoughts and insights.  Let’s get to the recap.

Show opens up with Lindzi waiting for Ben in her spurs and making out with her horse.  Ben arrives on Lindzi’s 500 acre horse farm wearing his signature gray Levi jeans and a plaid shirt.  They play stable boy as Lindzi saddles up First Impression Rose and teaches Ben how to use a whip.  I thought that would be a lesson for next week’s overnight dates.  They ride off together on a weird little “carriage ride.”  The duo sit down to a picnic surrounded by horse shit and I’m not only talking about their conversation.  Over some drinky-drinks, Lindzi shares that she’s put up emotional walls since being dumped via text.  That and apparently her parents kept her too busy with the horses all through high school that she never had time to date.  Then she shares with Ben the brand name of her self tanner.  How do I know this?  Because in Ben’s confessional later he’s just as orange as she usually is.

They finally head off to meet her family.  How do they get there?  Over the woods and through the snow?  No, that’s not right.  Under the bridge and through the rain?  Nope- that’s not it either.  Through the woods and over the fence?  No!  Over the river and through the woods.  That’s it!  They must have heard me yelling it at my tv because they finally get it right.

Lindzi’s parents sit around on wicker furniture in the middle of the yard, talking to their dogs like they are their babies.  Ben’s gonna love these folks.  They don’t even let their daughter climb off Ben’s lap before hugging him and introducing him to Lindzi’s “siblings”, the dogs (why do people do that?  Seriously.  I’ve never understood that).  The rents are shoveling alcohol down Ben’s throat before he can even get out of the carriage.  Her parents share that they got married in San Francisco at City Hall- the very place Ben was supposed to have a one on one date with Brittney and Lindzi had their first date.  

Next up is the family tradition of humiliating all guests with a carriage race around the yard.  Oh yeah, and you need to hold on to Lindzi’s sister the dog the whole time too.  So Lindzi drags Ben around on the back of a carriage while mom does the same to dad.  Due to some help from the ABC intern, the parents win the race.  Which means that they let the poor horses run free and Ben and Lindzi have to pull the carriage home.  I hope that ABC is taking notes and whoever Ben doesn’t pick at the final rose ceremony has to pull Ben and the winner around.  How awesome would that be?!?!

Over glasses of wine, Lindzi and who I can only guess is an actress hired to play her mom since the two look nothing alike, discuss how Lindzi is falling in love with Ben, how he’s a super nice guy, but there’s fear of another broken heart.

When mom sits down with Ben she tells him that Lindzi recently had her heart broken.  But after knowing Ben for only two hours herself, she knows that Lindzi is ready to be engaged to a guy she’s only spent about 15 hours total with.  As Ben sits down with dad, he admits he’s not ready to propose to anyone yet (he wants to wait till after the overnights first- duh!  You don’t buy a car without test driving it first, right?).  As he and Daddy-o converse it strikes me that the father looks like Robin Williams.  I keep waiting for him to run to the bathroom and dress up like an old lady.

Next hometown date is with Kacie B. in Tennessee.  They head to her high school stadium first since she’s still in high school.  The marching band (all 15 of them) greet him before Kacie B. jumps into Ben’s arms like she’s Jillian Harris.  They eat a picnic in the rain in the bleachers of the stadium that is named after Kacie’s gramps.  They pour wine into paper cups like a couple of teenagers at a football game before heading to meet Kacie’s parents.  Who, oh yeah, they doesn’t drink.  And Ben’s a wine maker.  This should be great!

As they knock on her parents’ door, Ben kicks himself for bringing a bottle of his wine as his gift to the parents who think alcohol is the devil.  They all sit down on one side of the table like they are the Cosby’s.  Before the first bite is in Ben’s mouth, Kacie’s parents start sobbing about how much they’ve missed their baby girl.  So Kacie pulls aside her sister Allison who has to be at least 12 years old to discuss wedding dresses.  Something about Barbie’s wedding to Ken is brought up but I can’t be sure.  Allison is so uncomfortable with Kacie’s cray cray talk of running off with a wine maker.  Someone needs to get this girl a glass of vino- stat!

Ben and bible thumping dad sit down to discuss the “forum” of this show.  Dad takes a minute to pray for Ben while he drones on and on about his feelings for Kacie.  And all the other ladies too.  Ben’s chat with mom turns into a Sunday School lesson.  She lectures Ben about pre-marital sex and cohabiting with Kacie before marriage.  Ben can easily agree with everything mom is saying because he knows Kacie won’t be getting another rose.  Why would he take her on the overnight sex date next week when he knows she won’t be putting out?

Kacie’s dad may not be lots of things and he certainly needs to let his daughter grow up and make her own choices about sex and booze, but he’s probably the smartest parent to ever appear on this show.  After Kacie grows a pair and tells her dad that she’d say yes if Ben asked her to marry him, her dad says he wouldn't give him blessing at this time if he were asked.  He recognizes that they’ve only know each other for 14 minutes.  And also, anyone who makes the devil juice is no good to anyone.

Wait one minute!!!!!  Hold the phone people!!!!  As Ben heads out the door I realize he’s wearing the EXACT SAME OUTFIT HE WORE ON HIS DATE WITH LINDZI!!!!!  WTH?

Next hometown goes to Nicki in Fort Worth, Texas.  She greets Ben wearing the tightest pair of jeans the ABC intern could paint on her and they go shopping for cowboy boots and gear.  This is what she did with the last guy she brought home and she married him afterall!

Ben looks like the biggest dweeb walking down the street in his new western duds.  The locals laugh at him and so do I.  He looks like one of the Little Rascals with his shirt buttoned to his chin and his hair all greasy and long.  They discuss Nicki’s failed marriage (again) before heading off to meet her parents.

OMG- is Ben wearing the SAME jeans again?!?!?

The duo change back into their regular clothes (thank goodness) and head off to meet the fam.  Even though mom and dad are divorced, they sit together because they love their daughter.  I actually like this “normal” family.  Even Nicki appears more “real” in this episode with her junk in the trunk booty and dad who cares so much about her and her well being.  My fingers are crossed for her sake that she doesn’t end up with Ben.  She’d be much better off without him and the trainwreck of the after effects of this show.

The last hometown date is with the ever charming model Courtney in Scottsdale, Arizona.  Ben gets out of the car wearing new pants!  They head right in to her parents’ house of “crazy girls” (I think that’s what her dad calls it).  We meet mom, dad, and sister who is way better looking that Courtney.  They immediately sit down to eat where the whole family discusses Ben like he’s not even sitting right there!  During this time I note a few things:

1.) Scratch what I said earlier about the sister.  She looks like Khole Kardashian.

2.)  Mom’s had a little too much plastic surgery.  I also now know where Courtney gets the baby talk voice.

3.)  I think dad has had a few too many to drink since he doesn’t even bat an eye when Khole busts Courtney for skinny dipping with Ben.

4.) Ben says he is embarrassed that Khole blurted it out because now his mom will know- she was going to find out anyway Ben!

Mom and Courtney baby talk to each other alone in the living room.  No clue what they actually said though because my ears were bleeding.

Ben and Courtney get their alone time after the parent dinner; although, I’m pretty sure it was filmed before but just shown afterwards for some reason.  Anyone else get this feeling?  The duo heads off to have a picnic and for Courtney to profess her like for him.  Wait a minute.... this isn’t like.  This is love!  As in “fake-wedding-just-for-you-and-me” love!  She opens her bag of crazy and pulls out rings, a paper bow tie for Orville Redenbacher, and notebooks for the pair to write their vows to each other in.

Ben: “I’m sitting next to this girl and getting nervous (about a fake wedding!).  What do I like best about her?  She challenges me...”

Translation: “She tells me what to do.”

Ben: “She keeps me on my toes...”

Translation: “She is a ticking time bomb and I never know what I’m gonna get.”

Ben: “She’s funny...”

Translation: “She’s crazy.”

Ben: “She’s confident...”

Translation: “She’s an aggressive bitch.”

Ben: “She’s sexy and beautiful.”

Translation: “I can overlook all her other faults because of her looks.”

A fake minister performs a fake wedding while Courtney chews her fake lip and fakes being in love with Ben.  As Ben reads Courtney his vows, Courtney chews her face off.  She finally admits to Ben that she’s falling in love with him.

Translation:  She doesn’t love him but she wants to win- duh!

The rose ceremony night finally arrives and so does CH!  He and Ben sit down to have a fireside chat about each of the girls and recap what we just watched through hazy slow motion clips of each hometown while Ben’s voiceover shares how he likes them.  Afterall, there are still 20 minutes left and even with lots of ominous music it won’t take that long for CH to count to 3.

The girls arrive and Ben gives the roses to Courtney, Lindzi, and Nicki before sending Kacie B. back to her high school marching band and over protective parents.  She dropped a few f-bombs in the reject limo (what do you think mommy and daddy will say to that?) but otherwise handled herself well.

And that’s where we end week 8 of this journey.  Were you surprised by who he sent packing?  Do you think he made the right choice? Do you think he’s going to boink them all next week?  Do you even care anymore?  Leave your thoughts in the comment section and I will see you next week.  If you need me before then I’ll be off looking for a fake minister and planning my own fake wedding!