Ali Men Tell All Recap

CH welcomes us to the show: "Welcome to one hour of recaps, mixed with 40 minutes of commercials, and 20 minutes of new footage. Justin and Frank aren't here tonight. They are meeting to discuss the details of Frank's screenplay for a made-for-TV movie of Justin's life titled 'Justin: the PG Story of the Rated-R Wrestler.' Now only two men remain, Chris and Roberto. All of America is watching to see who will become Ali's husband!" At this point, CH bursts out laughing. He turns to the producers and asks, "Really? I can't just say who will become Ali's boyfriend for the next six weeks till they break up?"

We now get to view a pre-taped conversation between CH and Ali that has been heavily edited. Get it? Heavily? I made a pun about Ali's weight? No? Ok, moving on... CH and Ali rehash the season and we get to see recaps of the last 9 weeks.

CH: "Let's talk about some of these guys... Kirk and his scrapbook where he called his mom beautiful, crazy Kasey and his tattoo, Kirk's dad with the dead animals in the basement. What did you think of it all?"

Ali: (giggling) "Ha ha ha! Those were classic Chris! But I couldn't be rude to their faces. Like when Kasey showed me his tattoo, I tried to sound positive. Now that it's just you and me Chris, I can laugh about it and tell you I was so uncomfortable! These guys were stone cold crazy!"

CH: "It's not just you and me Ali. We're filming this to show at the Men Tell All special."

Ali: "Oops! I meant to say, those guys welcomed me into their homes and hearts. They are all so sweet!" (giggles)

CH: "Good cover Ali. Moving on... Let's talk about your date with crazy Kasey at the museum."

Ali: (giggling) "Huh?"

CH: "You're saying you have no recollection of this?" (shows her video footage of date)

Ali giggles more and shakes her head no.

CH: "How can you not remember this?"

Ali: "I was probably wasted and blacked out. I was drunk for about 90% of the filming. I'm drunk now!"

Next, the most memorable bachelors from this season return. Or so says CH. It was more like 10 guys who agreed to be on this episode. Because I'm sure some of these guys were never on TV before, much less this show! Each guy gets the chance to talk about the experience: they rip on Kasey, the weatherman, big hair Craig, and Rated-R Justin. Except Chris N.- he doesn't say a word.

Finally CH sits down with Kasey.

CH: "What possessed you to get that tattoo?"

Kasey: "The ABC intern gave me $10 to do it. And I thought it was the best way to guard and protect someone's heart."

Notice, we never saw the tattoo.

At this point I become very bored. I end up fast forwarding thru most of the garbage that we've already seen at least 10 times. A few things I did notice is that Craig R. has become the expert on everyone and everything! CH goes to him for every comment about it all.

Some random guy: "Justin was a jerk for two timing Ali!"

CH: "I agree. Craig, how to do you feel about it?"

Craig: "Well I have to say he is a jerk and a chicken for leaving the way he did. And I am NOT friends with him like he's been saying."

CH: "Let's talk about Kasey's tattoo."

Another random guy: "Yeah that was pretty crazy!"

CH: "Craig, what do you think about it?"

Craig: "Kasey is bat shit crazy but he's still my friend."

CH: "Well that about wraps up our show. Any final thoughts guys? Craig R?"

Craig: "If you are hurt or injured in an accident and need a lawyer, please call me!"

Unfortunately, that wasn't really the end of the show. ABC has gotten special permission from the CIA for Jesse to be on the show and dish about her inside info on Justin. And extend her 15 minutes of fame. Oh wait, that's in two weeks when she appears on Bachelor Pad. Jesse recaps how this info just "fell into her lap" and CH opens questions up to the audience for the expert Jesse. First he goes to Ali. Oh wait, that was just a pregnant woman in a bad outfit. The women all bash Justin and everyone cheers. Craig R. agrees since he's the expert on everything.

Ali arrives wearing a disco ball dress. Her hair has been "done" by a flock of angry birds. She pretends that Justin and Frank leaving didn't send her into therapy for her insecurity issues. She laughs at the guys who all tell her she's great. Then the producers pay Kasey $20 to sing to Ali again.

Finally we get to see what I actually like about the MTA- funny out-takes. And last we get to see 10 minutes of recaps of Chris and Roberto's journey so far, 10 minutes of previews for next week's finale along with 15 minutes of previews for the Bachelor Pad which starts in two weeks.

So that's it. That's all I've got. It was the worst MTA but luckily I DVRed it and was able to fast forward thru most of the BS. Including the 20/20 special that aired from 10-11. Shame on you ABC for billing it as "new" only to show us about 5 minutes of new stuff before parading out the same stuff as last time. Oh well, hopefully this Wed. night on E! (10:00) we will actually learn something new in the "where are they now?" special. Depending on how good it is, I might recap that so check back Thur./Fri. Until then...