Ali Episode 4 recap

Show opens with 30 minutes of recaps followed by CH earning his 50 cents for the week with telling the guys about the week to come: 2 one on one dates and one group date. He also tells the boys to pack their bags for a trip around the world. First stop is New York City!


The guys leave sunny warm LA and head to NYC where Ali is walking around in Wonder Woman’s boots and drinking coffee and freezing.


Hal, from In Style magazine, obviously paid a huge sum of money to ABC to promote the July issue and gets to “make-over” Ali’s look. Which, from what I saw happening, means she gets a manicure, pedicure, clear eyeshadow applied with a Q-tip, and a curling iron to the old hair extensions. At the end of the makeover, Ali looks the exact same.


While Ali is busy having her picture taken with Hal, the first date card comes for Kasey’s one on one- “Let’s do what comes naturally.” Kasey interprets that to mean, “Let’s use every cheesy pick up line ever invented.”


Kasey prepares for the date by putting on… wait. Huh? What is it? A coat? A sweater? A hoodie? Whatever it is, it has professor leather elbow patches and a fisherman’s hood. It’s hideous!


Ali decides to wear something new and exciting for her date too- skinny jeans and flats with her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. Hal is somewhere either yelling at his tv or hiding in a closet. How do I know? Well honestly I don’t for sure but I’m pretty certain he would be doing that since that’s what I did for most of the episode. Wasn’t everyone?


ABC gets creative for this date too- a helicopter! So original! Or not…


Kasey talks about Ali becoming a beautiful butterfly while Chris L. (I love him by the way) talks about Kasey looking for unicorn love. Funniest confessional ever! Did I mention, I heart Chris L.


Kasey mistakes this reality show for American Idol and starts to sing (badly) every thought that comes into his head. My 5 year old likes to do this too. “I got up and brushed me teeth. Now I’m going to play with my ponies! Yeah! Play with my ponies!” Kasey’s song was similar. Ali starts to laugh until she realizes he’s for real. I covered my ears.


At this point, Ali wants to end the date but the producers won’t let her because they’ve already rented out the Museum of Natural History. But apparently the ABC intern never paid the next payment after the deposit because even though the doors are unlocked, there are no lights. To make up for forgetting to mail the check, the ABC intern runs out to buy some flashlights at the Dollar Store so we can hear Ali say, “Oh my goodness! I LOVE dinosaurs!” What doesn’t this girl love?


Ali keeps trying to run away from Kasey but he can keep up with her. She then tries to hit on a stuffed gorilla by calling him a monkey but no luck- she’s stuck with the ape of Kasey for the rest of the night.


Back at the bachelor hotel room, the next date card arrives: Roberto, Jesse, Craig, Kirk, Jonathon, Frank, and Ty. “Best play.”


Ali takes Kasey to a floor covered with pillows in front of a pedistal with the rose on it to interview him for the role of husband.
Ali: What makes this different than other relationships you’ve had?
Kasey: One reason. You. Otherwise everything else is the same. I always date a girl who is seeing 24 other guys and being filmed 24/7.
Ok, just kidding. He really said, “I’ve never had any other relationships before but I’ve watched a lot of them on tv and in cheesy movies.”
Ali: Intern! Help me! Get this weirdo away from me!
Intern (whispering in Kasey’s ear): Why don’t you sing again?
So Kasey breaks out into another made up on the spot horrible song. Glass starts shattering. Ali starts crying. Then she tells him he is not getting the rose tonight but she doesn’t want him to leave. She’s such a ruler breaker! She leaves him alone in the museum with the rose he didn’t get and runs off to fantasize about Roberto.


For the group date the next day, the guys go to Times Square for a video message from Ali to come find her in the concrete jungle. Her hiding place sucks and the guys spot her waving out a window of a nearby building in 3 seconds.


They crash a practice of Broadway’s Lion King. The guys have to learn a dance and song and perform for Ali and the producer of the musical. The best one gets a special date with Ali that night. Too bad Kasey wasn’t on this date to sing again. Anyway, all the guys are pretty bad but Roberto gets picked because he’s the hottest. I mean, he looked at Ali while singing. The producers tell the couple they will not be watching the Lion King but IN the production!


Roberto is so happy: “This is unbelievable! Now I’m going to do a show on Broadway? I’m probably the luckiest guy in the world!” That or the gayest for being excited about it.


The other guys pretend to be upset and then have to watch Roberto and Ali practice their part of hanging half naked on stage. All while still wearing the biker shorts from their audition.


Jonathon says watching them perform is like a beehive of knives in his face. What?


This date is getting boring fast. I fast forwarded… Ali takes a walk in the rain with Frank even though she is sick. And she kisses Frank even though she is sick.


Last date card arrives while all this is going on. The last one on one goes to Chris L.- “Let’s take a bite out of the big apple.” Justin tells Chris L. he’ll wrestle him for the date.


Back on the group date, the weatherman knows how to make a girl that’s under the weather feel better. By interrupting her alone time with another guy by stalking/watching from sidelines before draping his Member’s Only jacket over his arm and intruding only to be shut down!


Ali is sick so she ends the date early and doesn’t give out the rose. The producer pulls her aside.
Producer: Listen lady! I don’t know who you think you are, waltzing in here and changing all the rules that CH worked so hard to establish at the beginning of the show but this is the second date you’ve ended early without giving out a rose or sending anyone home! Let’s create some drama. And your sniffly nose and smokers voice aren’t cutting it. If you don’t do something drastic soon, we’ll have to start planting crazy ideas in these foolish boys’ heads. Now, where is that nut job Kasey?”


Kirk walks Ali back to her room. She asks him to sing to her like Kasey did. Kirk thinks that is stupid so he just makes out with her instead. Jonathon gets jealous and starts crying to the camera again. Kirk has to blow out the candles when he leaves Ali’s room because the ABC intern has had enough of Ali’s shenanigans and has left for the night.


The next day, Ali plays her diva card once again and cancels her one on one date with Chris L. because she’s sick. But she invites him up to her room for a little snot swap instead. She opens the door to him and says, “Happy birthday! Here, I got you the flu!” They drink tea and talk about his dead mom again.


Meanwhile, Kasey goes missing. The camera shows him sneaking off to get a tattoo of Ali’s name. Ok, it’s just a tattoo of a heart with a rose and a shield. Still just as cheesy!


Ali magically feels better and she and Chris L. go out to get hammered and talk more about the dead mom. Did you know she’s like the nicest lady? They call Chris L.’s dad. He sounds like Charlie Brown’s dad. Actually, all the adults on Snoppy- “Mawh, mawh, mawh, ma.”


Kasey returns from tattoo parlor and tells the guys he burned his arm and was at the hospital. Rated-R sees right thru him and goes on record telling us he thinks Kasey is a fibber. Why no one else asked what he burned his arm on is a little strange to me. Was it a curling iron? Taking cookies out of the oven? A hot pipe on a lawn mower?


Back on the date, Ali gives Chris L. the rose. If she didn’t, the producers were going to send HER home in the reject limo.


Finally- the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party! The guys are all sitting on one couch ragging on Kasey and Rate-R. I’m so bored! I fast forward and these are the only other notes I took:
 Kirk and Ali kiss again.
 Jonathon plays guitar and sings for her.
 Rated-R has a convo with guy we’ve only seen twice about Kasey being fake. Guy we’ve only seen twice speaks for the first time in agreement with the wrestler about Kasey.
 Kasey starts sweating profusely while Rated-R grills him about his burn. Kasey admits to guys he got a tattoo and shows it to everyone. Then he needs a towel to dry the sweat out of his soaping wet hair so he can go show Ali how nuts he is. I mean show Ali his tattoo. But Frank steals Ali away before Kasey can reveal the tattoo. And then, blessedly, CH arrives banging his glass of vodka to make Ali finally make some decisions about these losers.


Chris L. already has a rose. The rest of the roses go to Kirk, Frank, Craig, Chris N. (huh?), Roberto, Justin, Ty, and Kasey. Going home are Jonathon and Jesse. I think when Jesse told her good bye and asked why he was leaving I heard her whisper in his ear that he didn’t own enough denim for her. I could be wrong.


Anyway, that’s it till next week. Do you think Kasey will show his true colors and his dorky tattoo? What’s Kirk’s big secret? Will any of the guys wash away in the hot lava from the volcano? See ya next week to find out!