Ali Episode 3 recap

The show opens up with all the guys sitting around the bachelor pad wearing Gap V-neck t-shirts in different colors and terrible bed head. CH explains the dates this week: 1 group date, 2 individual dates, roses on each date, one on one dates need to get a rose or they go home, and not everyone will go on a date this week. Basically the same rules as last week.


CH leaves the first date card and books it out of there. First date is a one on one date for Roberto: “Love is a balancing act.”


John C. cries that he’s not been on a date at all while Roberto packs his bags and I check my notes from previous weeks to see who this John C. guy is. There is nothing. I’m guessing he is a cameraman?


Ali comes to the mansion to pick up Roberto wearing an ill-fitting shirt that hangs off one shoulder to reveal her purple wide strapped Playtex 18-hour bra. While walking to the door, she’s extra bouncy to make sure her hair extensions ponytail bobs up and down and side to side.


A helicopter lands to whisk the couple away. Roberto continues to clutch his Corona Light even though it’s only 8:00 a.m.


Once in the helicopter, Ali admits she is afraid to fly since Jake is not the pilot. Roberto kisses and pets her fears away to calm her down.


The helicopter lands on a roof of a tall building. There are zip lines off the side of the building. This looks familiar. Didn’t Jillian and Ed have this same date?


Meanwhile, back at the house, the guys are all crying about not being with Ali. Rated-R blames his cast for not having any time with her.


Roberto and Ali are now harnessed up and ready to tightrope walk across the street, 20 stories up in the air. I couldn’t watch- it made me feel sick. I can hear Ali’s voice though: “I was really nervous. Something could really go wrong. Like what if the 9 thousands cables holding us break?”


Roberto stops half way across to kiss her. She thinks it’s super romantic. I think it’s super cheesy and scary.


Back at the mansion, the next date card arrives. Kirk, John C., Chris N., Frank, Jonathon, Craig who no longer needs a last initial, Justin, Jesse, and Chris L. : “Come rock my world.”


While all this has been going on, Roberto and Ali have changed clothes for dinner. Ali put her dress on backwards but who cares? She’s too impressed with the 100 languages Roberto speaks to care what she looks like.


She tells the camera that she doesn’t like to be stiff at a table so she makes the ABC intern lay 3000 pillows on the roof top for her and Roberto to get stiff laying down on. Ali gives Roberto the rose. Afterall, he already took her cherry while under the blankets on the roof.


Group date: the guys take a limo that drops them off in the middle of nowhere. Ali is standing there wearing tight jeans, a wife beater tank top, and white spike high heels- she stole the whole outfit from Janet Wood’s (aka Joyce DeWitt) old dressing room on the Hollywood sound stange they later visit.
The Barenaked Ladies are there to perform. I like this band. What are they doing on this show? While BNL play their new song, Frank rubs the Weatherman’s shoulders and Ali “dances.” She’s terrible. I’m sure she will be on Dancing With The Stars next season.


The guys and Ali are making the music video for BNL’s new song. They each get their script and the Weatherman immediately begins to freak out because he has to kiss Ali in his scene. He starts to sweat and eventually chickens out and doesn’t kiss Ali. Then he cries. Ali feels sorry for him so she kisses him in the next take.


Frank and Ali’s scene’s script got switched with that of a porno. Then Ali makes out like a slut with the rest of the guys. They all get jealous of each other. Apparently they all forgot what show they are on.


At the wrap party, Ali pulls Chris L. aside first to ask him about the tattoo of his mom’s signature. He finally tells her his mom died but leaves it at that.


The Weatherman steals Ali away to explain why he’s wearing Michael Jackson’s Thriller jacket. Then he awkwardly whispers in her ear that he wants to go away and have a real first kiss. Ali laughs hysterically. When Jonathon doesn’t crack a smile she realizes he was being serious. Luckily for her, Craig steals her away before she has to answer.


Back at the house, the last date card arrives. Hunter: “Home is where the heart is…”


Steve is frustrated because the clock is ticking and he’s not getting anywhere with her. That and his perm is almost done processing.


On the group date, Ali and Kirk get in the hot tub together. The other guys get jealous. Kirk kisses her again in the hot tub (which Ali was surprised by the fact that the HOT tub was warm water). All the guys jump in the hot tub except for Justin because he can’t get his cast wet (how does he shower?). Ali gives Kirk the rose. They all watch the music video.


The next day, Justin leaves the house to stalk Ali. He hobbles down the highway on crutches to get to her house. Ali likes that he did it. But after hugging him, she sends him back on the road to limp home. Just kidding- they go inside and look at pictures of Justin’s family. Ali drives Justin back and gives him a hug. Justin doesn’t tell the guys what he did. Where did they think he was for those 5 hours?


Ali picks Hunter up for their date and drives him back to her place. He doesn’t wear his seatbelt correctly.


Hunter mans the grill and cooks enough food for the whole film crew. He tells Ali he wants to be a stay at home husband. They drink Coke without any ice with their burgers. Does Hunter not drink? They never drink together, which is probably why she isn’t all over him. The whole date is so uncomfortable to watch. I feel like I need a drink to get through watching it!


Hunter doesn’t get the rose.
Hunter: Is there anything I can do to change your mind?
Ali: Well I’d tell you to chug a couple of beers and loosen up but if you don’t want to do that I respect that choice. But at least allow me some alcohol please!


Hunter leaves in the reject taxi van, Ali goes in the house and pulls out the bottle of vodka. I go to the kitchen and grab a glass of wine. There are still over 30 minutes left- I need it! And I’ve made it this far. I deserve it.


Finally the pre rose ceremony cocktail party arrives. And so does Ali wearing a wedding dress. Most of the guys have on jeans. In fact, Jesse is dressed head to toe in denim.


Ali talks to Chris L. about lobster and some game called flip flop. I’m sure I’m the only one who doesn’t know what it is but it sounds like something I would like. I also like Chris L. My prediction at this point is that he will go far. Maybe the final one?


Steve steals a bunch of candles and a blanket from the house and makes a picnic outside. Ali tells him he can always win her over with champagne (I knew it Hunter!). However, Steve can’t open the bottle.


The rest of the guys stand around talking about how much they hate Justin. I really don’t see why he’s such a jerk. What am I missing? He’s not my favorite but he’s no Vienna.


Ali tells Roberto that Justin came to her house. Roberto tells the rest of the guys. They confront Justin. He doesn’t deny it and they all hate him more for it. Justin goes outside to cry.


Finally! CH comes in to steal Ali away to the room of pictures and for her to make her decision.


Roberto and Kirk already have roses. The other 94 go to Chris L., Jesse, Chris N. (I’ve never seen this character before), Ty, Kasey, Craig, Frank, Jonathon (WTF?!?!), and Justin. So Hunter, John C., and Steve all went home this week.


What do you all think of this week’s episode? Does 2 hours suddenly feel a lot longer to each of you while watching this show? Do you think Chris L. and John C. will catch that mouse? Or will ABC do a spin off series with them called “Mouse Catchers International”? Until next week…