Emily Episode 5 Recap

First off, I’d like to apologize for not writing a recap last week.  It was one of those crazy weeks with something going on every night of the week.  I didn’t even get to watch the show at all till late Wednesday night and by that point I was so tired I didn’t even know if I’d make it through the whole show at all.  Let alone pause it to jot down notes for the recap.  It’s unfortunate too because there was a lot of noteworthy crying that took place!

All that being said, I also want to thank you for sticking around.  If you like what your read, please comment.  If not, why are you still here?  Now let’s get to it!

The show opens in lovely London.  The Queen herself welcomes Emily and her entourage to jolly ol’ England.  Ok, so it’s just a royal looking dude on a horse and CH.  Emily’s voice over tell us this is the prefect  place to take Little Ricki on a free vacay fall in love.  The men arrive at Trafalgar Square and CH reiterates the same rules for the 859th time.  The guys head back to their hotel where the first date card awaits.

1st date: Sean “Love takes no prisoners.”

Sean borrows a tight black t-shirt from Ryan and messes up his hair just enough before heading out to meet Emily for a tour of the city.  They enjoy a picnic while Emily nurses her laryngitis with a tall glass of wine.  They both seem very normal on this date and quite nice but a little boring for tv.  I’ll spare you the details and skip to the night portion of their date.

For the night part, the ABC intern pulls some major strings to arrange a dinner inside the prison of the London Tower.  Their convo is once again slightly boring but they seem to like each other so Sean gets the rose.  Then they admire the view out of their cell window before kissing to no fireworks.

2nd date: Chris, Arie, Ryan, Doug, Alejandro, Travis, John, and Kalon “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

Emily greets the men at Shakespeare's birthplace.  Ryan wears a long scarf to match the ones Emily wore on all her dates with Brad.  Emily tells the men they will all be acting in a Shakespeare play.  BORING!  John, Alejandro, Ryan, and Kalon get to share the role of Romeo while Travis, Chris, Doug, and Arie get to play a nurse.  Kalon takes his role as serious as a heart attack.  He wants to wrap Ryan’s luxury brand scarf around his neck but unfortunately Kalon can’t find it.  Then he tells Emily to “run along” so he can rehearse more.

Tens of people gather to watch the play.  Some boys dressed as women, some wore tights, some had fake boobs, some continued to be mute, and Ryan continued to be an ass.

As a reward, Emily takes the men to “the pub” for a wrap party.  She pulls Arie aside first for a little make-out session.  She wants to spread her germs around to everyone.  Next Ryan pulls her aside to whisper more condescending remarks in her ear and give her a necklace (that isn’t pearl!) that Emily loves so much, she slips it in her pocket right away.  Note to all men: if you give a woman jewelry and she doesn’t wear it right away, she doesn’t like it no matter how much she claims to.

Kalon sulks some more about not getting more opportunities to put Emily down to her face.  This reminds Chris that Kalon has been negative for a few days and he decides to tattle to Arie on Kalon’s poor attitude.  Arie takes it personally and the two of them get their panties in a knot for Emily’s sake.  The rest of the guys discuss it and decide it’s time to vote Kalon off the island.  As the single dad, Doug decides he needs to take matters into his own hands and tells Emily that Kalon referred to Little Ricki as “baggage.”  Emily confronts Kalon about it in front of all the guys.  And by Emily confronting Kalon about it, I really mean Doug does.  Oh where is CH and the fat guy who helped Roz pack her shit when you need them?  Emily goes back road, West Virginia, bat shit on Kalon and tells his to get the F out!  Good thing this didn’t happen to Duckie or his name would just be Je.  Then Emily calls an end to the cocktail party without giving out a rose to anyone as punishment to the guys for waiting more than ten minutes to tattle to her about Kalon’s inappropriate comment.

3rd Date: Duckie  (did he get a date card?)

Emily and Duckie head to afternoon tea and receive etiquette lessons from Miss Manners, Jean.  Jean proves to be a giant bitch but she finally drinks enough tea that she needs to use the loo and Duckie and Emily use this opportunity to escape to a local pub for some pints and fish and chips.  Duckie uses his time with Emily to reopen the Kalon wound and pour some salt in it by sharing more insults that Kalon spouted in the hotel to the guys.  For some reason, Emily isn't too bothered by it and the duo toasts Little Ricki by calling her a Khole purse.  Then they head to London Eye for dessert.  He earns the rose for being so “chill” and they finally kiss.

Cocktail Party

Emily is still so flustered from sending Kalon home that she forgets to put on the one sleeve of her dress and arrives at the cocktail party begging the men to reassure her more.  She wastes no time in pulling the guys aside one on one to bust some more balls and grill them on how they plan to guard and protect her heart.  The men all fumble over themselves trying to reassure her that they are there for the right reasons.  Ryan fumbles over his long girly scarf (really? again?).  Finally CH arrives from the local pub where he’s had a few pints.  He bangs his champagne glass of doom and whisks Emily away.  She finally hands out the buds.  Sean and Duckie already have roses.  CH demonstrates his mad counting skills and the other six roses go to:

Doug

Ryan

Chris

John

Travis

Arie

Which means that Alejandro is joining Kalon in the luxury brand limo back to the airport.

So what do you think?  Did Emily make the right call in sending the mushroom farmer packing?  Do you think she overreacted to the guys’ lack of tattling?  Is Duckie anyone else’s favorite?  Who do you think is getting the final rose?  Leave your thoughts in the comment section and I’ll be back next week.  If you need me before then I will be practicing my Shakespearean acting.  Never know when I might need that on a date!