Emily Episode 7 Recap

This week’s episode wastes no time with “previously on” recaps and jumps right into Prague- the “perfect place to fall in love.”  Emily wanders the city contemplating the remaining men she has left.  Meanwhile, the guys arrive to be greeted by CH wearing a dark brown coat.  He welcomes them and informs them this week is the “most important week so far.”  I wonder when that statement could be uttered and it not be true.  CH explains the rose situation for the 975th time and sends them to their hotel to search for the first date card.

1st Date: Arie “Let’s check out Prague together”

Arie changes out of his mandatory “sit-around-the-hotel-with-the-guys-hoodie” and gets ready for his date.  The duo walks around the city while Emily reads to him from the tourist information sheet the ABC typed up for her before the date.

Emily confides to the cameraman that she’s aware Arie has a secret he’s hiding from her.  Instead of just being an adult and asking Arie if it’s true that he had a previous relationship with someone connected to the show, she decides to beat around the bush and play games with him to get it out of him.

But what’s this?  A PSA from CH?  In the middle of the show?  While standing in front of the Bachelor Pad mansion in LA?

CH: “I wanted to take this time to talk about something you may have heard about.  Pre-martial sex.  It can lead to pregnancy and STDs.  The only way to be 100% safe is through abstinence.”  The more you know!

Wait!  That’s not it.  He’s talking about Arie’s relationship with a show producer.  I’m totally ready for the fat guy who helped Roz pack her shit to show up and help Arie find his way back to the airport.  But that’s not what happens.  The Bachelor gods bless us with a totally unscripted conversation between the producer Arie had a relationship with, Cassie, and Emily.  Someone had the good sense to record this.  

Back to the game playing between Emily and Arie... Arie tells her how trustworthy he is as Emily stews in the knowledge that he’s dated other people before coming on this show!

CH also knew that Cassie, Emily, and Arie needed to have a conversation about everything too but no one thought to invite the cameraman to this meeting of the minds.  Apparently it’s all water under the bridge and Emily and Arie continue the night part of their date on a bridge that is in fact over water!  They “I’m sorry.”  “No, I’m sorry” each other before making out.  Then Arie drops the “I love you” bomb on Emily who responds with “That’s so sweet!” They kiss and some fireworks literally go off.

2nd Date: John (is he really still around?) “In Prague, all you need is love.”

The two meet in the streets of Prague before boarding a boat for a water tour of the city.  They head to the John Lennon wall where the ABC intern has been busy setting up a ladder, paints, and brushes so Emily and John can have some art time.  They draw a boat that looks like a stick figure rocket ship that’s tipped over, write their names inside it, and head over to the next tourist trap- a fence with lots of locks on it.  The ABC intern laughs as he realizes the lock he gave them is too small to fit around the fence post.  The symbolism is lost on no one.

For the night part of their date, Emily and John go to dinner in the basement of a haunted church.  Or something like that.  She likes to take this guy under ground for their dates.  After all, she wants to go “deeper” with him (that’s what she said).  While laying on an old mattress in the creepy basement, John shares how his last girlfriend cheated on him.  I wonder if he appreciates the irony.  He brags that he’s not a starter but a closer and they make out.

John returns to the hotel and shares that his date went well.  Sean knows that Emily must be close to the hotel and leaves to go find her.  He “finds” her alone in a back alley and they hug.  They kiss.  They rub arms.  Then they head to a little pub the ABC intern had to pay off to open up for them at night.  The owner allows them in but the kitchen and bar are closed so the two kiss.  Once the owner gets sick of it and kicks them out, the pair continue to suck face in the street.  Get a room.

3rd Date: Chris, Doug, and Sean “Let’s find our happily ever after...”

It’s pouring rain as the men meet Emily in the street.  The ABC intern was nice enough to retrieve Travis’s umbrella after he threw it into the street in Croatia so the men have something to keep themselves dry with.  They venture to an old castle while Emily spews tourist information about the castle that she read in the travel guide provided to her by the producers.

Doug and Emily spend some alone time together.  He acts like every time they touch she burns him.  Emily can’t stand it any longer.  She walks him outside and shows him the reject van.  

Side note: how long was their alone time?!?!  She appears to pull him aside as soon as they get to the castle when it’s still light out.  It is pitch black as Doug’s van pulls away with him ugly crying in the back.

Emily gives the two remaining men a key to a midget door.  The guy whose key opens the door gets some more one on one time with Emily.  In a completely planned random turn, Sean’s key opens the door.  While those two play kissy face, Chris plans how he will kill everyone if he doesn’t get a rose.  But I hope his plan is fool proof because Emily gives the date rose to Sean.

3rd Date: Duckie “This is your chance to pull my heart strings.”

Emily picks up Duckie for their date and anger management Chris stews in his anger.  Emily and Duckie visit a marionette puppet shop and pick out a couple of puppets to to perform a show with.  At the last minute, Duckie runs back and buys a puppet for Little Ricki.  He should have also bought Emily a pair of pants seeing as she clearly forgot to put any on.  Their puppet show is completely awkward and weird.  I feel like I am watching my daughter play Barbies with her friends.  But Emily LOVES it!  They ditch the marionettes and make out on the library floor.  For the first time in the history of this show, the bachelorette and a guy actually discuss important marriage issues such as living together before marriage and kids. Duckie delivers the best line of the show when he whispers into Emily’s mouth, “I want to date you so hard and marry the f--k out of you!”

Rose Ceremony

The guys enter for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party.  Sean already has a rose.  Arie and Duckie feel safe.  John is sure he will get a rose because his date went so well.  I’m sure that him admitting this is the kiss of doom on this show.  Chris is afraid his plan to murder everyone if he doesn’t get a rose will not go according to plan.  But before the cocktail party can even begin, Emily is pulling CH into the room of pictures to tell him she doesn’t need a drink before sending one guy home.  CH tells the guys to line up immediately.  The rose ceremony is starting immediately!  Chris starts to melt down faster than a bowl of ice cream on a 90 degree day.

Sean already has a rose.  Emily enters and passes out two more to Arie and Duckie.  Before CH can show off his mad counting skills and announce there is only one rose left, Chris interrupts and asks to speak to Emily alone.  He pulls her into another room, drapes a big red blanket over her shoulders and apologizes for acting like a psycho when he didn’t get the rose on the group date.  I notice that he doesn’t apologize for acting like a psycho right now.  But Emily appears to like it and takes him back to the rose ceremony and gives the final rose to him!

So that’s where we end things as we head into the hometown dates.  Do you think Emily made the right choices this week?  Did Chris deserve to stay or do you think John should have gotten another chance?  Will Doug ever find a mom for Austin?  Where do you think Emily finds all these clothes with bling?  Thanks for your patience with my delayed post once again.  I will be back next week for some good family drama.  If you need me before then, I will be bedazzling a pair of shorty shorts to wear on my next date night with the hubs.