Recap: Season: Jake Episode: WTA

Show opens with CH: “Welcome to this episode of the Women Tell Nothing! I am your host, the jerk, Chris Harrison.”


It was the most boring 2 hours of the whole season! I wasn’t even going to recap the show because honestly, the only three things that surprised me by the 2 hours shown last night were:
1.) Crazy Michelle seemed to be pretty “normal.”
2.) Chris Harrison can be a huge ass hole.
3.) Ali was not “officially” announced as the next Bachelorette.


Right off the bat, CH is telling us how this season of The Bachelor has drawn in more viewers than any other season! Really? More people want to watch this home slice dance like a fool with a bunch of girls? Chris must have given us this bit of info a few more times in the show. I’m not sure how this would boost ratings even more or if that is even what they were trying to do. Maybe they were just bragging. Or asking us if we were as surprised by that news as they were.


Anyway, they show a video of CH and Jake sitting down to talk about each of the girls. Who do they discuss first? Why Rozlyn of course!


CH: “That was a crazy night! We were flying by the seat of our pants. We were making it up as we went along. We were not following a script!”


Next they discuss cocktease Elizabeth. Jake tells Chris that he has friends whose 1st kiss was at their wedding. Um, really? I suppose I could believe it if people said they decided to wait to do the dirty deed till they were married, but kissing? Really? Come on!


They also showed Jake’s first date with Vienna and how he peed his pants then screamed and cried like a little girl while jumping with her.


Replayed the first kiss between Tenely and Jake with the fortune cookies. And they replayed Ali leaving.


Why were those the only girls? What about Gia?


Next, CH talks about a new phenomenon happening called The Bachelor: Cast Reunions. For a minute I thought he was going to talk about the new show Bachelor Pad but instead we got to see past contestants sexing it up with other previous rejects in Vegas.


CH brought up once again at this point that viewship is up….


Then they showed us The Bachelor Gives Back which they stole from American Idol. Basically the only thing interesting I found from this segment was DeAnna getting shot down by an 8 year old little boy.


Finally, we get to see something from this season! The girls are brought out and they show us some outtakes from the show. The funniest thing from that was Gia saying (about Tenely): “She shits rainbows!”


And again, CH brings up Rozlyn: “Let’s talk about Rozlyn.”


The girls say how they saw all this stuff happening in the house between her and the producer.


Jesse: “Well this is the first time I’m saying anything because just 10 minutes ago was the first time I was told I saw this, but I saw Rozlyn and the producer making out in the hallway! I swear I’m not making this up to get more time on tv. I swear on my dog!”


Gia is invited up to the hot seat wearing the tightest, shortest, purplest, glittery-est dress ever. She actually impressed me by answering coherently and nicely.


Next up in the hot seat is crazy eyes Michelle. And I have to say- she surprised the hell out of me! She actually seemed normal! And smart! She admits that this show is not a way to find love and that what they show on tv is not real. It’s not necessarily what really happens. I take back all the nut case comments I made about her earlier.


However, Ali is personally insulted by Michelle’s comments!


Ali: “Michelle, for you to say this show isn’t a way to find love, I personally take offense. I’m gonna be the next Bachelorette and I better find love or I’m coming after you!”


So Ali is next in the hot seat. I’m already so over this girl.


CH: “You made the choice. You choose your job over Jake. Why?”


You really need to ask that Chris?


Before Ali went up to the hot seat, the producers pulled her aside and told her how it was all gonna go down…


Producer: “Ok Ali, so this is how it will happen. Chris will call you up to the stage. We’ll show clips of what a bad crier you are, how sad you were to leave, how cute you are, and of how bitchy you are.”


Ali: “Wait- don’t show the clips of me being a bitch! I want America to love me, not hate me. Let’s not remind me them of how awful I can be.”


Producer: “Ali, we need to show them that so you can apologize and seem genuine again.”


Ali: “Why?”


Producer: “Because then Chris will ask you if you’d do it differently if you had the chance. We need to set you up as the next Bachelorette without you looking like a bitch or looking crazy for walking away from your job when you wouldn’t do it earlier for Jake.”


So while Ali is on stage with CH, she does her damage control by apologizing to Vienna for being so hard on her because ABC can’t have a bitchy bachelorette! She also says, “Our lives are measured by the risks we take.” What does that even mean? Who measures their life? By risks? Who even remembers all their risks?


So CH asks Ali about 100 times if she’d do things differently next time. Would she choose love over her job? What did you learn? Can’t you read between the lines girl? ABC is asking you to be the next Bachelorette. The ABC intern has even drafted a resignation letter for Facebook for her!


Finally, Rozlyn is up! Why wasn’t she out there with all the other girls the whole time? I do not claim to know anything about what really happened. I don’t have any inside info. Just a few things I wondered….
1.) I’m sure something had to have happened. Otherwise they would not fire a producer. Kick a contestant off the show? Sure. But to fire a staff member with nothing to back it up? I don’t think they would do that or else there would be looking at a lawsuit.
2.) There have got to be cameras rolling just about 24/7 there. I know CH said not necessarily but if they suspected something, wouldn’t they always have a cameraman ready to catch them in the act. And don’t you think there have to be hidden cameras all over the place? I find it hard to believe that this happened but they have NO proof of it. Their “case” would never hold up in a court of law. Right?
3.) Let’s play devil’s advocate here and say Rozlyn was guilty as sin. Did CH have to be so mean to her? I really lost some respect for the guy. He was a huge jerk! Why?


I actually kept waiting for CH to pull up footage of the “inappropriate relations.” 1.) because I was dying to know what the “term” even means and 2.) because the way he kept asking her out right to deny it I thought for sure he had caught her in a lie.


CH: “So you’re telling me nothing physical happened?”
Roz: “No.”
CH: “You’re saying that nothing happened in the house?”
Roz: “That’s right.”
I thought for sure next would be CH: “Then how do you explain this?!?” and for the intern to key footage of affair or something. But no, that never happened because they don’t have any footage.


CH was also full of back handed compliments for Rozlyn such as: “I don’t wish you anything but the best. That and hopefully you’ve learned how to be a better person.”


I actually felt sorry for her. And going back to Jesse’s comment earlier about catching her with the producer… why wouldn’t she have said anything till just now? I’m sure if she really saw anything, she would have rushed right out to the pool to the other girls and spilled her guts. Right?


For the last 5 minutes of the show, they actually bring out the Bachelor. And what was he wearing?!?!? A navy blue Hanes undershirt with a tuxedo jacket on top? I don’t even know what he said because the whole time he was on the stage I was filled with a strange mix of hatred and pity for him. He is such a dork! I can’t believe ABC picked him to be the Bachelor. I’m sure there were better men to choose from, right?


So that’s all I have. I know it’s a pretty boring column this week but I can only work with what I’m given. Next week is the finale. Who do you think will get the final rose? Vienna or Tenely? Do you think Jake actually proposes? Are they still together? Find out next week.