Ashley Episode 8 Recap

The show opens with Ashley back in the USA. She’s back at home in which the ABC intern spent hours rearranging the furniture to make her studio apartment look bigger than the 400 square feet it is. Through sneaky camera angles designed to make her kitchen look spacious (it isn’t), we learn that Ashley likes her coffee black or that she drinks flat Coke out of a coffee mug. We also hear her wax poetic about each of the remaining guys. I fast forward through the obvious time filler.

1st Hometown: Constantine- Cumming, GA

Constantine dresses up for the big reunion with Ashley by donning his green t-shirt and gray hoodie. They meet 500 feet apart on a grassy knoll before running into each other’s arms and spewing things like “I’m so happy to see you!”, “It’s great to be home,” “You look fantastic,” “I’ve missed you,” and “I can’t wait to see what we’re doing today!”

They sit down on a picnic table in the mist while Ashley plays with her bangs and Constantine asks her if 1990 wants it’s blazer back. The pair heads to Constantine’s family’s restaurant to make pizza and salad. The wait staff spys on their “date” while Constantine and Ashley talk about love and family and everything else the producers have put in their “Hometown Date Week Scripts.”

Next stop is Constantine’s parents’ house. His sister, who looks just like Ashley, is there too. The mom doubts if they can truly be in love in such a short amount of time. She also voices concerns over true love in exotic settings verse day to day home life. Obviously Constantine gets his smarts from her.

The dad sits down with Constantine to discuss someone named “Ester” and basically said the same things as the mom- if he’s happy, they are happy for him. But true love takes time. I love this family!

Just as Ashley and Constantine are getting ready to leave, his whole extended family shows up for a “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” reunion. They dance and “opa!” while the uncle starts throwing dollar bills around like he’s at the local strip club with CH.

2nd Hometown: Ames- Chadds Ford, PA

Ashley has ditched her 1980’s wardrobe for the disco era. She greets Ames on a horse farm wearing bell bottom jeans, a bright red long blouse belted at the waist, and a flowy white cardigan sweater. They waste no time alone together and go right to meet his sister, brother, mother, and their families. Ames and his family talk about their adventure and travels while Ashley sits there like a mute. Finally, big sister Serena pulls Ashley aside to grill her.

Serena: “I’m cutting right to the chase. Ames clearly has feelings for you. How do you feel about him? Are you ok with being his beard? And don’t bullshit me. I’m just as smart as my brother and will see through any lies.”

Ashley: “Well I’m not gonna lie. Our relationship has moved slower than some of the others. But he’s so nice!”

Serena: “This is getting serious. You’re meeting families now. Nieces and nephews.”

Ashley: “Your kids are so cute!”

Serena: “He’s a romantic. I’ve seen him with other girls. And other boys too. I think he’s smitten with you. You better not screw with him.”

Ashely: “I can’t wait to get to know him. I mean, I want to know more. Tell me about his dad. And I hope it’s a sad story ending in death. That’s the theme this season in case you didn’t read the script ABC sent over ahead of time.”

Serena: “We are a family of over achievers. Of course we read the script. In fact, we’ve improved on it. We have two dead dads! Do any of the other guys have that? I didn’t think so!”

Finally the conversation between Serena and Ashley ends and Ames takes her on a picnic under a magnolia tree. Ames shares his views on romance: find the extraordinary in the ordinary. Then they take a carriage ride along the river. I think I fall in love with Ames a little bit.

3rd Hometown Date: Ben- Sonoma, CA

The two meet and skip off to Ben’s winery to taste some wine after spewing things like “I’m so happy to see you!”, “It’s great to be home,” “You look fantastic,” “I’ve missed you,” and “I can’t wait to see what we’re doing today!” They eat a picnic per ABC’s contract in the rain on the wet front porch floor while Ashley plays with her bangs. As Ben talks more and more on this date, the more he reminds me of Spencer from iCarly. When they are done eating their snack and drinking their wine, they leave their dirty plates on the porch of the stranger’s house they intruded upon and head to Ben’s mom’s house to have dinner with his mom and sister Julia. This family and the rest of the date is so boring and dull I fall asleep for a bit. Luckily, I wake up in time for:

4th Hometown Date: JP- Roslyn, NY

Ashley recycles the belted blouse look for her date with JP. They reunite while spewing things like “I’m so happy to see you!”, “It’s great to be home,” “You look fantastic,” “I’ve missed you,” and “I can’t wait to see what we’re doing today!” He takes her to a roller rink where the pair goes back to 7th grade. They put their hands in each other’s back pockets while skating under the disco ball to a bad REO Speedwagon remake before making out in the middle of the rink while the DJ announces a “couples only” skate. Man, I miss skating rinks.

Next, they go to meet JP’s family. I’m pretty sure the house was built by the same guy who built my house, as it looks the exact same on the outside. Inside, they greet JP’s family before immediately digging right in to some yummy looking lasagna. There is a lot of talk about carbs but I can’t focus because my mouth is watering. Someone get me that recipe!

After dinner, mom pulls JP outside to grill him. She expresses doubt about their “relationship” and the process. I can tell mom doesn’t like it. Again, the rest of the date is so boring. I have to go get some wine and end up missing the rest. Something tells me I really didn’t miss much though.

Rose Ceremony

Ashley puts on her smokey eyes, super short/tight backless mini dress, long earrings, and CFM pumps for the rose ceremony. CH dons his gray Wal-mart suit and doesn’t bat an eye even though he desperately needs a haircut as he sits down to his pow-wow with the bachelorette. He knows he’s not the most foolish looking one in the room.

CH doesn’t pass up the opportunity to needle Ashley a bit by reminding her that the last time they sat in the room was to cancel the cocktail party due to Bentley. Ashley pretends to have forgotten who Chris is talking about, we pretend we believe she’s really over him and CH and her rehash each hometown date to death before CH goes off to practice counting to 3.

Roses go to Ben, JP, and Constantine which means that Ames is returning to his nice normal family in Chadds Ford, PA alone.

So that’s where we end week 8 of this journey. How many times did you fall asleep? Is this season a huge bore to anyone else? Who else thinks sending Ames home tonight was a mistake only second to keeping Bentley around as long as she did? Who else is glad for Ames in dodging the Ashley bullet? Sound off in the comments and I’ll see you next week in Fiji! (Also, a quick scheduling note to share- next Monday, July 25 will be the overnight dates. Then the MTA is on Sunday, July 31. The finale is set for Monday, Aug. 1. Set those DVRs now and I will see you next week!)