Jason and Molly's Wedding

Chris Harrison welcomes us to the show and tells us this is going to be “a fairy tale event that America has been waiting for.” Um, I sure haven’t been holding my breath. Maybe he should have said “Bachelor fans have been waiting for” because I’m pretty sure no one else even knew about it or cared about this wedding. I’m starting to question my own caring of it. But that is neither here nor there. Moving on…


The production crew invades Jason’s and Molly’s house to get some footage of where they’ve been since their season ended a year ago. This was shot two weeks ago so it’s really where they’ve been since mid Feb. 2010. Again, that’s neither here nor there. Molly needs to show America that she can be a good step mom to Ty so she asks him to help her bake.


Molly: “Ty! You wanna help me make some brownies? You can have some salmonella too. Just dig right into that raw dough and eat those raw eggs!”


Anyone else notice this is the last time we see Ty on camera? I’m guessing that kid got the worst case of food poisoning ever.


Next, we get a recap of Jason and Molly’s “journey” on the show and what happened after the final rose a year ago. I have to pause here to ask, do we really need to see this? Do you think anyone who didn’t watch the show or at least the ATFR last year is watching this wedding? I think not! Moving on….


So ABC shows Jason breaking up with Melissa on national TV. Molly starts talking about how people and tabloids started to trash them after that and how that was so unfair because Jason is so sweet, he would never hurt a fly!


Molly: “Jason would never hurt a soul. Well except for Melissa. On national TV in front of millions. But other than that, he’s as sweet and nice as can be!”


Next up is the “Where Are They Now?” segment of the show that ABC always parades out for us.


Jake and Vienna are still together and extremely in love. In fact, they are still on the Wings Of Love. However, the 5 minute video montage we got of them cooking dinner together was very awkward. They did not look comfortable together at all! In fact, they even looked red eyed like they’d been crying or fighting before the film crew showed up. Hmm…. Foreshadowing?


Ed and Jillian are still together too. Although, Ed looks like he is so over the whole Bachelor/Bachelorette thing. The whole night he looked as though he would rather be anywhere else. Not that I blame him. Just sayin’.


Sara and Charlie broke up for a year but got back together. When we’ve seen this piece done before, Charlie admits it’s because he liked the drugs and alcohol more than he liked Sara but he’s back on the wagon. Since that wasn’t brought up last night I’m assuming he’s no longer sober???


Oh and did you know that Trista and Ryan are still together and so much in love? Her squeaky voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me! And I think she is pissed that another Bachelor couple is getting married. She liked being the only ones they had to drag out as the poster child of the show.


They show the couple playing in the snow with their two children, Max, age 2 and a little girl whose name I don’t even think was mentioned, age 1. Apparently Trista likes Max better than their daughter because she wishes Jason and Molly lots of happiness in their marriage and hopes they have a little Max of their own some day.


Ryan is holding Max on his lap (again, the daughter is no where to been seen and not even mentioned) and is trying to get him to wish Jason and Molly (who I am sure this kid has never even met) good luck.


Ryan: “Max, say good luck!”


Max flips the camera the bird and we move on.


So back to the present and CH is asking us “How do you plan a celebrity wedding?”
Me: “Well first, you need actual celebrities Chris!”


ABC rolls out the wedding planner and hair stylist and dress designer and everyone else involved that I doubt anyone has ever heard of. But Molly apparently has been dreaming of this dream team since she was a little girl.


Molly: “It’s a dream come true to have blah-blah* design my wedding dress.”
*never heard of her and couldn’t even remember her name after Molly said it.


As a side note, I saw in a magazine that her dress cost $45 K! I realized she didn’t pay for that but really? You could buy a house (in this market) for that kind of money!!!!


Next we get to see Jason’s and Molly’s ABC sponsored bachelor and bachelorette parties. The real parties took place some other weekend without cameras. Because these parties were so lame, I sure hope these weren’t the only ones. Boring!


Jason walks into a suite at a hotel for his party and announces that he’s never been in a room like this before. Um, weren’t you on the Bachelor? Wasn’t every single fantasy suite date in a room just like this? Yeah, that’s what I thought- lair!


Molly got some G rated stripper lessons.


At the end of the night, these two losers ditch their friends to meet up outside some Vegas hotel and talk about how much they missed each other. Neither one even looked or sounded drunk while reciting from the script ABC gave them. I think this was filmed the next night. This couldn’t have really been the same night, right?


The night of the rehearsal dinner, Molly and Jason’s sister-in-law (aka, Molly’s new BFF) sit down to discuss what she’s wearing.
Molly: “What are you wearing tonight?”
S-I-L: “Well I could just put it on and show you or I could pull it up on line and do a plug in for Macy’s.”


The rehearsal dinner starts and I say out loud to my TV: “Where is Ty?” Remember, we haven’t seen him since he ate the raw brownie batter.


Apparently, Jason hears me because the next day, he decides to have an awkward sit down with his father and answer my question.


Jason: “So Dad, you know how Ty’s mother and myself have decided to not let Ty be on camera anymore and just have him be a normal 5 year old boy, right?”
Dad: “Yes, of course. You told me this right after the bitch called you and told you she wouldn’t let him be on tv anymore because she’s jealous you are getting remarried and that ABC is footing the bill for your billion dollar wedding. Why are you telling me again like I didn’t already know?”
Jason: “Well Dad, the producers think the viewers will be wondering where he is so we need to let them know. I’m gonna tell you again. Just act normal.”
Dad: “Why don’t you just play the recorded phone call from your ex and let it explain it for itself?”
Jason: “Come on Dad! We’ve been over this. We can’t do it that way. OK?”
Dad: “OK.”


Next we see Jason and Molly getting ready. The wedding planner brings Jason his boutiner with a note from Molly that apparently reads, “Jason, I never realized you had girl parts. Quit crying over a simple note that says I love you. Love, Molly.”


The wedding guests are arriving and apparently they all have to/get to talk to CH before finding a wet seat to sit down in.


Why were Charlie and Sara there? Do either of them even know Jason or Molly? I’m guessing not.


Trista and Ryan showed up. Ryan was mute because I don’t think he said anything. And was Trista wearing a mu-mu? Her baggy dress and ponytail made her look like a maid at the hotel.


The wedding itself was your typical boring wedding. A few things I did note during the wedding:
 Molly did look gorgeous! I loved her hair and make up. BEAUTIFUL!
 Why were there 3000 doves released? Where did they come from? They couldn’t all have possibly come from those two tiny boxes the moms opened, right?
 That damn wind! Molly’s hair was so perfect and the wind messed it all up! And so did the rain. How was she not pissed about this? I guess I can see how she didn’t care so much. She probably had someone waiting inside to fix it for her again after the ceremony but how pissed would you have been to be a guest at that wedding?


So that’s it… no Melissa. No fights between DeAnna and Jesse. This was the most vanilla episode of the Bachelor. Tune in next week to get the behind the scenes look at the show on 20/20. My guess is it will be kinda like the Women Tell All specials- basically we won’t learn a thing. But you can bet your final rose that I’ll be watching! Until then…